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The sudden passing of actress and model Shefali Jariwala has prompted a wave of grief and reflection, extending not only to her immediate family and current husband, Parag Tyagi, but also to her former spouse, Harmeet Singh of Meet Bros. Singh, currently in Europe, expressed his profound sorrow in an emotional Instagram post, highlighting the shock and disbelief he felt upon learning of Jariwala's untimely demise. He reminisced about the beautiful years they shared together, acknowledging the memories he would always hold dear. This unfortunate event serves as a poignant reminder of the complexities of human relationships and the enduring impact of past experiences, particularly the emotional turmoil often associated with divorce.
Jariwala's previous marriage to Singh, though long over, had been a significant source of emotional upheaval for her. In an old interview, she openly discussed the challenges she faced after her first marriage ended, revealing the profound impact it had on her emotional well-being. She candidly spoke about the initial feeling of despair and the difficulty of navigating life after such a significant life event. She elaborated on the support system she relied upon – her parents and friends – which ultimately helped her cope with the emotional aftermath of the divorce. The support system helped her to eventually move forward. However, the scars of heartbreak take time to heal and many people struggle with the implications of divorce. These implications can greatly affect the individuals for the rest of their life. Divorce often creates a sense of loss, even if both partners involved agree it is the best thing to do. This loss is similar to death in that the parties go through the stages of grief.
Jariwala also touched upon the common emotional spiral that many individuals experience following a divorce, a phase characterized by a loss of faith in love and a reluctance to engage in future relationships. She described the feeling of believing she would never fall in love again or consider marriage, sentiments echoed by countless individuals who have endured similar experiences. The fear of future hurt and vulnerability often leads to a defensive stance, where individuals consciously or unconsciously shield themselves from potential emotional pain. This protective mechanism can manifest as cynicism, avoidance of intimacy, or a general reluctance to invest emotionally in new relationships. Furthermore, Jariwala recounted the public scrutiny and judgment she faced after her divorce became public knowledge. She talked about the negative comments and stereotypes that were projected onto her, highlighting the unfair and often inaccurate perceptions that society holds regarding divorced women. The experience was particularly difficult because people were assuming that she had done something wrong. The pressure and judgement from outsiders only exacerbated the challenge. She was judged for what people perceived about her character based on being a 'Kaanta Laga Girl' from her onscreen personality.
The article then shifts its focus to exploring the underlying reasons why individuals often struggle to believe in love after experiencing a difficult breakup or divorce. Counselling psychologist Athul Raj offers valuable insights, explaining that this phenomenon is not necessarily indicative of a lack of hope or a desire to give up on love. Instead, he posits that it stems from a fundamental feeling of unsafety within oneself. The traumatic experience of a relationship ending, especially when marked by betrayal or a lack of closure, can trigger a nervous system response that registers danger. This response creates a heightened sense of vulnerability and a reluctance to open oneself up to the possibility of future hurt.
Raj further explains that clients often grieve not only the loss of the relationship itself but also the loss of the version of themselves that was open, trusting, and hopeful. The initial optimism and vulnerability that characterized the beginning of the relationship are replaced by fatigue, cynicism, and a desire to protect oneself from further emotional pain. Raj notes that social pressures can often exacerbate this pain, particularly in India, where individuals are often rushed to move on or expected to remain broken. This lack of space for processing emotions and grieving the loss can hinder the healing process and prolong the period of emotional distress.
Offering advice to those who desire to open their hearts again but are apprehensive about potential judgment or hurt, Raj emphasizes that loving after loss is not a sign of failure but rather a testament to resilience and the enduring human need for connection. He acknowledges that fear is a natural and valid emotion but cautions against allowing it to dominate one's decisions. He suggests that individuals should not wait to feel fearless but rather strive to be honest with themselves about their feelings and needs. Raj also addresses the issue of judgment, reminding readers that the opinions of others are often a reflection of their own discomfort rather than an accurate assessment of one's worth or choices. He encourages individuals to surround themselves with supportive people who will not pressure them to shrink or conform to societal expectations. Raj concludes by emphasizing the importance of taking one's time, choosing differently, and prioritizing safety in future relationships. He advises individuals to move slowly, wisely, and with a heightened awareness of how their body responds to closeness, ultimately seeking relationships that foster a sense of security and well-being. Seeking to open oneself back up is a challenge but also a testament to inner strength and perseverance.
Raj offers invaluable advice for those wanting to be in another relationship: ‘Love after loss doesn’t mean you failed. It means you survived. It means your heart still wants connection, even after knowing what it costs. That’s not weakness, that’s resilience. Fear doesn’t need to go away. It needs a seat at the table — not the head of it. Don’t wait to feel fearless. Wait to feel honest.’ This advice is helpful for anyone wanting to open their heart again. His advice shows the importance of taking your time and choosing differently as well as attuning yourself to how your body responds to closeness. Overall, Rajs insights show a better path forward for those who have suffered the heartbreak of divorce or breakup.